a post that would piss ppl of.. but its meant to.

Frankly I dont give a rats ass already on what happens anymore to people.
I was bothered and the fact that i am blogging about it shows that i care but that was in the past. After what i felt, I aint gonna care.. betrayed and bloody hell left out is the feelings that i felt when I saw that. First I said it's ok that I was not there, then I thought how many times has this happned?? I realised my presence and company was not needed anymore. So you know what I say to the whole thing? FUCK IT!.. yeah.
WHat i feel now, is that if you dont want me fine, I wont react to it or be sad or affected you know why, I have better people around me and they care for me.
It only saddens me that after how many years and now only I see that I was living in denial, and that I was just being used.. So yeah you may have played me so what?? you think I give a fuck anymore?? I aint gonna be hostile or bitchy to anyone but just know that i will never forget even if I forgive..


Ok so that was me ranting like a crazy ass woman.. just had to. I may get into alot of trouble for saying out such things and most likely bombardment on who I was taliking about, but thats in the past and I dont dwell on the past. Dad's bday was a fine and normal afair, and we put up our tree already. Its so cute!! wait till I have the mood and the time to uplaod the pictures. Only thing missing is my Amma.. haha.

Another huge ass shout out to JAMIE LEE! happy bday woman. SO sorry I could not come but it was clashing with my dad's bday. I hope u had a fabulous time!! I miss you already!!

thats it for now!!
It doesnt hurt me,
you wanna feel how it feels?
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.

Final curtain call 4 ausmat..

shuttle bus ride, al's first time and she went on the last day of ausmat.. irony. =p

hehe..

nice group shot..

sealed with a kiss?? nope its not a real kiss..

konon concentration. during LAN..XD

So this past two weeks it was ausmat march intake's time of our life's.. Enduring LAN subjects. Oh the joy..It was torture because it was from 8 in the morning up to 6 in the evening with only, one hour break for lunch!! my poor ass.. OK but they did let us on 15 minutes break here and there, also letting us out earlier than the supposed time. Only it was a waste of time because it was so repetative of what we already know.. But the only good thing was that we got to see each other for another two weeks!! I am gonna miss you guys now that we are over and seriously done with ausmat!. Its been a blast and mostly ups compared to downs. I finally have the time to sleep, blog, catch up with people but Ausmatians please dont forget each other and the joy and memories we shared in the short span of like 8-9 months. It was a awesome blast.

(all of you were great in helping me not want to blow my brains out due to the boredem with your antics)

example: kenneth on his laptop with anthony every morning without fail.

:jamie and her wierd quotes and shoving stuff ppl's ass( love ya woman)

:sim's pervy drawings and discriptive ways of sex..

:navin and nancy hooking up on the very last day of ausmat!!( i sense some1 going to kill me)

:myee posing for the camera

:eating at picadilly's and going to Harvest Centre for moral studies project.

:nisha & tina & al playing,learning and trying sudoku!

:gossiping amongst each other!

:Yi wei & nura with the lots of movie and hot guy gossip.

: Al and her weird singing/imitating abilities(lion kings-cant wait to be king) =p

And so many more things. if i missed you out sorry but all will still be in my memory.

The only thing I miss is my atie abolins. Wish she were there for these fun moments!! But we had our own fair share of moments like shopping and bernasi lemak-ing!!

A big shout out to atie and ASh for turning 20 and 21!! I love you guys!! XD

ON the very last day, Al, myself,tina, Yi wei, and Nura went and watched ninja assasin by rain. hot body but full of chilli sauce in the movie. WE had a blast just chillling which is something we never got to do for a while so yeah!!

On the movie note, I myself watched New Moon, so here is my review, The books, mediocre, movie mediocre, acting cheesy, effects i've seen better.. storyline lost, who screams like a hot iron was put onto them every night just coz they broke up?? cry i get scream?? unrealistice.. the only consolation, good looking edward!! edward team.. the only thing i like about him is the way he is to bella and thats it. so the hype is for the tweens I would say! =p

How life can get the better of you.

NO one ever asks what you want,

NO one bothers about what you want,

No one genuinely cares about your needs,

But they will say they do,

They will say they have their best interest for you,

This is where words fail.

Words written in water,

Family should be about love,

Should be about caring about each other,

But some never ever get to feel that.

How can we be a family if a person cannot be what they want to be.

Why so hard to gain acceptance?

I learnt, don't bother to gain acceptance,

they never will give it.

They will never let you choose,

Only they know best.

You ask me to lead my life without being emotional,

If that's what you want,

That's what you will get.

When the time comes we will see who is emotional.

When I leave you will see that I shed no tears.

You always wonder why I am so hard, distant and cold

my answer you made me this way.

Now you demand me to be this way.

So I will carry on.

Its not hard.

Actually its much more easier to be that way.

I was built and brought up that way.

Life is hard i get that.

but usually god makes someone else to understand your situation and help you get through,

Yet here I am alone.

Make my own decisions,

Going to a foreign place to start anew.

Will that make it all better?

Can whatever that has been broken be fixed?

I leave it up to god

I am done trying to mend,

Looking out for others,

taking care of people.

I loved doing all that,

But now I am not sure.

All I want is to find my great escape

Leave all this nonsense behind.

Take this new beginning and start over.

I'll miss many friends and you know who you are.

You are the only people that did not fail me.

Made me grow,

Made me see that there is more to life,

And most of all let me be the real me.

You guided and protected me well and for that I thank you,

My dear friends.

Life goes on and I don't know when is our next meet.

When I do see you guys, We shall embark on many new adventures!!

(This is for-Atie, Ash, Al) The three A's in my life that I love and will never forget!!)

Come to Perth and visit!! XD

What to say here could make or break me??

Well its hello to the world of blogging and spending mindless hours over the computer!! Ausmat is over but some of us have the LAN subjects to look forward to.. Wow the pure joy....Still I am going to miss all the new faces I met and made friends!! There is too many of you guys to thank so I hope the people who read this will just (faham faham).. Never thought I could find that many friendships in a short span of 8 months.

Notice how when a person is missing from blogging and when they return to it they start off by saying that they did not die or something like that.. I did not want to be a part of the statistics..
I am starting with my appreciation here and moving to the reason of absence... Well exams would cover that.

Now that the hurdle is over, Lost is sort of what we all seem to feel i am guessing.. Farewells inevitable and parting of ways.. For me the sheer thought of leaving the country for a new home freaks me out..How will I start over?? Will I be alright?? What about the people I love here... My dogs!! All this bothers me and that date to leave approaches rapidly.. After SPM i felt like crap and a new beginning sounded awesome, but now after ausmat and the date looming so near that I feel like not going.. But that aint going to happen.. I have to say all my farewells soon by January and board a plane to the land of supposed new beginnings..

If only life was that easy to just drop everything and move on.. Now I know easier said than done. 18 years and now the thought that its all going to become a memory that i put in a box and store away..

On a much lighter note, new songs and genre's have opened up for me.. I am listening to some really cool stuff right now although Al would say that my music taste is weird.. Take a listen to this guy called Poulo Nutini.. He has an awesome voice I would say! If you have the time spend it listening to him..I am also addicted to Mika's -rain.. gosh that song is so damn awesome!! and tons of pitbull! Hehehe...

All I can say is that I want to thank each and every person that I know and made me feel at home... Keep in touch when I am away And dont forget me!! XD


Is it really necessary
Every single day
your making me more ordinary
And every possible way
This ordinary mind is broken
You did it and you don’t even know
You’re leaving me with words unspoken
You better get back because
I’m ready for
More than this
Whatever it is
Baby, I hate days like this
Caught in a trap
I cannot get by
Baby I hate days like this
When you let it rain
You let it rain

Inside The mind Of a deranged lunatic..

Okay so the title was a little on the dramatic side.. I am not that deranged or a lunatic.. Life has been the same old same old.. I need change.. Moreover I need guts and courage.. but all that still wont change anything because miracles that I hope to happen will never....

to sum that up in a poetic and metaphorical way..

And when the battle was done
I was promised my sun
But with a thousand knights gone
To any kingdom I run..

No matter how hard i try, its not gonna happen.. time is not on my side at all.

On a even weirder note...this lyrics and song has been stuck in my head thanx to atie! so lets just post it up here..

Now I'm that bitch
U'll never get to uhh,
Can get what you want
so you acting like a punk
You were to fly then
so fly away now
Now I'm that bitch
And your just a clown...

(livvi franc-Now I'm that bitch)

P.s-al i cant find a suitable poem for you!! I'll keep looking though..

That's it for this supposed deranged post...

Some random post..

So life's just been brilliant, as I know that I screwed up my exams.. Well enough about that crap...

Its in the past and we shall not dwell on the past.

Anyways, like in this past few months of being in ausmat it has thought me so much more about stuff and by stuff I don't just mean chemistry, biology, maths, psychology.. I mean about myself and how I think and why I am the way I am.. It was mainly thanks to Atie and Jamie, Al.. You guys really help me find my way when I was a lost soul.. I still am but not so lost is what I mean.


Without you guys I would not have been able to survive ausmat I believe, and for that I want to thank you for being there and tolerating me!! We truly had tons of fun this past few months and i love our early morning nasi lemak sessions! Best of all the stalking and shopping we did!! And for teaching me how to play pool! Which a thanx goes out to ash for teaching me pool..


So yeah, we had tons of fun and its darn sad that soon we will be parting ways but we will keep in touch and if I make it to Perth you guys can come for holidays there and there will be free accommodation!! haha..


So I found these poems.. very short ones about love and i thought I would post them up!( dunno why.. I just thought they were sweet) dedicated to (atie and jamie)( you guys will get it)=)


All I ever wanted is in you:
Love, laughter, a pillow for my fears,
I want to give and to be given to,
So I might feel myself flow through the years,
Alive in you, the wonders of my tears..

If I could have just one wish
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and feel your heart beating with mine,
knowing that I could never find that feeling,
with anyone other than you...

Man.. how bored can a person be?

So now the break that I am on is meant to you know help me unwind after all the freaking days of stressing over the mocks exams.. But no, instead I find myself sleeping and lazing and watching tv and doing stuff that have zero productivity!! Like all my friends actually planned they're break and left town, went here and there and here I am stuck at home.. (not that its a bad thing)

I feel like I should have just gone to college and done some work or something so that I would not be so god damn bored..( we all know whats in college) =)
I even have nothing happening to blog about that my post is about how bored I am.. That is pretty depressing. The only good thing that came out of this break so far is that I got to catch up on my precious beauty sleep..( we all know how much i need and love to sleep)hahaha..

Au revoir et salut.. till my next post!! Hopefully it wont be mind blowingly boring as this!! hahaha..